Maybe I am You

This piece is part of a memoir essay collection I’m working on as both performance and print.

That summer in 1989 I smoked hash for the first time

and I thought you were me and I was you

and then when i was sober again

i said maybe it’s true

I kept that thought alive for years

thinking we could love everyone more

if we could just lose track of who was who

Why isn't always clear.

Sometimes its just... invented.

Or it’s sticky and sharp,

Where it makes no sense at all

Last night I saw the spirit of my first husband projected onto the wall like a midnight movie

on the last night of his life, staring into the mirror

swallowing all those pills

lying back on his bed, waiting for the light show to begin